no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
