Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
