he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
