Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
