Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
