i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
