there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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