Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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