What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
