I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
