Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
