We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize