How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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