Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
