We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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