Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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