Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
