Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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