did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
