The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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