I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize