Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
