so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
