Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
