Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
