your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
