Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
