Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
