I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
