Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize