When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
