Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
