Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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