he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
