I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
