You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize