TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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