Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
