Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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