Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
