My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize