Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
