I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
