Heybabeimwearingurpanties
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
