i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Randomize
