Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
