I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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