I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
