So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
