I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
