Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
