You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
