accomplished twins. life is a go
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
