How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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