I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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