I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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