i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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