can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
