my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
