im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
