If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
