You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
