Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
