I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
