yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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