theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
