never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She bit a glass in half.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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