i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
