I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
