I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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