My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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