You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
