ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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