Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i'm inner monologue high
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
