sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
