it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
