Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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