She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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